The universe is like some gay stalker. No matter where I am or what I’m doing it inevitably raises its faggy head above the metaphorical bushes to stare and make me uncomfortable. I specify that it’s a gay stalker because if the universe had a feminine persona instead of a masculine one then I’d be less annoyed by it and maybe even enjoy the attention, but it’s definitely a dude. A really lame and cringe faggot of a guy. It’s like a 65-year-old man who’s been living in San Francisco since his early 20s and still sees himself as the young twink who first arrived in town instead of the melting pile of meat that he currently is. He has no idea that people aren’t interested in his ass anymore. The universe is so lame it’s insane.