I feel like I’ve watched every movie. I definitely haven’t, because that would be impossible, but when I go to look for a new movie to watch I never find anything. I usually spend what would be the runtime of a movie, two to three hours, just clicking from one director’s body of work to another, then onto screenwriters and cinematographers and eventually actors and in the end I just don’t watch anything. At best I’ll find a torrent for something, set it to download, and then by the time it’s finished I’m no longer interested and I just delete the file right there without ever playing it. I do the same sort of thing I’m describing here with most other things too.
Like with books, I’ve read almost no books. At best I’ve read 333 books, because that would be one book per month since the month in which I was born. And that’s at best, because I’m pretty sure I’ve actually read way less than that. I’m not counting textbooks or stuff that was assigned for classes, because I don’t know, that was never a choice on my part. I’m just talking about stuff I’ve voluntarily read, and looking back, I’ve mostly just read comic books. I’ve probably read thousands upon thousands of comic books, but actual books, not so much. There’s brief periods of course where I’ll get really into a specific author (almost always fiction writers) and then read through everything they did which I can get my hands on. Examples would be James M. Cain, Patricia Highsmith, H.P. Lovecraft, Dashiell Hammett, Albert Camus, and a few others, but it’s never hard stuff that I choose to read. I only read what’s easy, and I feel like I’ve read every easy book already.
It’s definitely some kind of decadence on my part. I’ve done almost nothing and yet I feel like I’ve done everything. I’ve become exhausted with consumption. I’ve spent my entire life eating sweets and now I hate the way they taste. I have no idea what to do next, because I’m certainly not going to start doing stuff that’s difficult.