The Same Trick Twice

The fact that I’ve been unable to commit to writing even one sentence per day, on any subject, is a major downer for me. Because it was a goal created entirely because of how easy it should be to maintain. There are no rules aside from writing at least one sentence, and then publishing it as a blog post. The sentence doesn’t need to be good, it doesn’t need to be interesting, it just needs to exist. The intention being that doing so would keep me in the realm of something akin to writing on a daily basis, building a habit or whatever. But I can’t even do the bare minimum, I’m too lazy to be lazy.

I don’t even know what I did today, I woke up in the afternoon, scrolled social media pages, browsed imageboards, ate food, and eventually ended up where I am now, which is back in bed. I’m getting ready to go to sleep and there isn’t a single thing that I can actually say I accomplished or learned within the last 24 hours. I guess this is depression, but it’s not even like I’m sad. I’m just tired, even when I wake up after having slept for 16 hours I’m still tired.

I want to blame someone for this, but I have no one in my life to blame. There are no people I can convincingly pin this on aside from myself. This isn’t to say I think other people are morally pure, they just don’t play any part in my life. I’m completely alone, which only leaves two options for the blame game. I can either blame myself, which I won’t do because I’m an innocent victim with no agency, or I can blame God, which I think I will do because it’s in his power to give me lots of money and make me seven feet tall, and instead of doing those things he made me go bald. I’m going to blame God for everything from now on, especially for my inability to write. He’s such a freaking dweeb, I hate him.

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